From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, I dread the day. No particular reason. (Except depression.) I swing my feet over the side and sit up. It will be ok. That’s what I tell myself. You’ve made it through all the days before this. Why should this one be different? It will be ok.
I get up, use the bathroom, wander to my closet and contemplate what I will wear. Hmm…. If I wear a tank top, I’ll be cold, but I could wear a cardigan over top. Hmm…. Maybe I should wear a dress. I could still wear a cardigan over top. Ooor, I could wear a long sleeve under it. Decisions, decisions. Breathe, it’s not a big deal. It will be ok.
I head to work. Unlock and go inside. It’s so dark and quiet in here. Sigh. I turn on the lights, get the till ready, turn on the music, turn on the open sign and unlock the doors. Should I open the outside doors? 🤔 The owner likes them open, but it is windy and rainy. Maybe I shouldn’t open them. What if he shows up? Should I open them just in case? Hmm… I leave them closed… It will be ok.
My work day ends. I head to my car and try not to fly away with the wind. Though, honestly, I wonder where the wind would take me. I climb into my car and sigh. Time to go home. I pull into my parking spot and see mail sticking out of my mailbox. I get out and grab the mail. It’s wet from all the rain. Good thing it’s just bills and junk mail. I walk up the steps and into my little apartment. I’m greeted by boyfriend kisses and meows from the cats. They want cuddles. I have more to do though. Sigh. It will be ok.
I fill the cat food and water. I empty the litter box, wash my hands and stare at the food in the cupboard. What should I make for dinner? Do I want something quick or something I can stick in the oven and leave? Hmm…too many choices. Chili? Macaroni and Cheese? Lasagna? Just breathe. It will be ok.
All these things seem like simple, everyday things. The choices should be easy. Some days they are. Some days I struggle. This is life. Take it all day by day. Just breathe and remind yourself, it will be ok.
Mom of 5 